Before Step 1: agree to look together
This guide assumes both partners are at least willing to try. If only one of you is ready, that person can still follow the steps and bring the other in later. Go at a pace you can both live with, and keep the search itself low-key so it does not become one more thing to argue about.
Step 1: Say out loud what you want to change
Sit down for twenty minutes, phones away, and each write two or three sentences: what is hard right now, and what would feel different if counseling helped. Compare notes without arguing about them. You are not solving anything yet. You are giving a future counselor, and each other, a starting point.
Step 2: Decide on format and schedule
Figure out the practical frame before you fall for a particular counselor.
- Office or video? Video saves a drive in bad weather and works when one partner is away for work. An office can make it easier to focus.
- When can you both attend? List the realistic weekday evenings and weekend times.
- How often? Many couples start weekly and later stretch to every two weeks.
- Budget. Check your insurance plan's behavioral health benefits and decide what you can spend per month out of pocket.
Step 3: Make a short list from the listings
Using the listings on this page, choose three counselors who offer the format and hours you need. Read each counselor's own website for how much couples work they do and how they describe their approach. Avoid choosing on looks or a clever tagline alone.
Step 4: Look up each license with the Montana board
Montana's Board of Behavioral Health, under the Department of Labor & Industry, oversees professional counseling and marriage and family therapy. Its page names the LCPC and LMFT license types and links to a public Licensee Lookup System under "Look Up a License." For each name on your list:
1. Open the lookup from the board's page cited below. 2. Search by the counselor's name. 3. Note the license type and whether it shows as active. 4. If you cannot find a counselor, ask them on the first call which name the license is under.
Cross off anyone whose license you cannot find after asking.
Step 5: Make the first calls
Many counselors offer a short free phone consultation. Put the call on speaker so you both hear it. Ask:
- How much of your caseload is couples?
- What does the first session cover?
- How do you keep it balanced so neither of us feels outnumbered?
- What is your policy on cancellations and on one partner contacting you alone?
- What are the fees, and is there a sliding scale?
Afterward, each of you rate the call privately from one to five, then compare. If your ratings differ widely, talk about why before choosing.
Step 6: Separate court questions from counseling questions
If divorce, separation or a parenting plan is already on the table, you may have questions that a counselor cannot answer, such as which forms to file. In Yellowstone County, the Clerk of District Court does not provide pro se forms. It refers people to the Yellowstone County Self Help Law Center at 216 N. 29th Street in Billings, a free Montana Supreme Court service for civil, non-criminal legal problems, where staff can answer general questions about the court process and review forms for completeness. Keeping those questions there lets counseling sessions stay on the two of you.
Step 7: Book and plan the first month
Book the first three sessions at once if you can, so a scheduling hiccup does not stall you. Agree between you on a few ground rules: no rehashing a session in the car on the way home, and one calm check-in each week about how it is going. Write down any homework the counselor gives and put it somewhere you both see it.
Step 8: Review after six to eight sessions
Set a date about two months out to talk honestly about whether the fit is right. Are sessions useful? Do you both feel heard? It is normal to change counselors if the answer is no; it is not a failure. If it is working, decide together how often to keep meeting.