How to use this guide
Choosing a counselor is easier when both partners do it together, in order, without rushing. The steps below are written for couples in Missoula and Missoula County. They describe a process, not a promise about how counseling will go.
Step 1: Talk about what you each want
Sit down for twenty minutes, phones away, and each answer three questions: what do I want to change, what do I hope stays the same, and how will I know counseling is worth continuing? Write your answers separately and then compare. You do not need to agree on everything; you only need to agree to look for a counselor together.
Step 2: Settle the practical limits
Agree on which days and times you can both make, whether you want in-person or video sessions, and roughly how far each of you is willing to drive. A couple with one partner working near the university and another commuting from Lolo may find that video sessions solve a lot. Also decide how you will handle cost, and who will call the insurance plan if you plan to use it.
Step 3: Build a short list
Use the listings on this page to pick two to four counselors who serve Missoula. Note each one's location, available hours and whether they offer video. Look for wording that suggests they work with couples regularly rather than only individuals.
Step 4: Look up each license
Go to the Montana Board of Behavioral Health's page and follow the "Look Up a License" link to the public Licensee Lookup System. The board oversees professional counseling and marriage and family therapy, and its page names the LCPC and LMFT license types. Search each counselor's name and confirm the license type and that it appears current. If a name does not show up, ask the counselor about it before going further.
Step 5: Make a short call to each counselor
Plan to spend ten or fifteen minutes on each call, ideally with both partners listening. Useful questions:
- How many couples do you see in a typical month?
- What happens in the first session?
- Do you ever meet with partners separately, and how do you keep that balanced?
- What are your fees, cancellation rules and evening availability?
- How do you handle notes and privacy?
Step 6: Compare your impressions
After the calls, each partner names a first and second choice before discussing. This keeps one person's reaction from steering the other. If you disagree, pick the counselor you both rank second rather than arguing for a first choice.
Step 7: Keep any court paperwork on its own track
If a separation, a change in parenting time or another family law matter is part of your situation, treat that separately from counseling. The Missoula County District Court office, on the second floor of the county courthouse at 200 W. Broadway, keeps records for domestic relations, paternity and other case types. The county's District Court page describes a Self-Help Law Center that points people who represent themselves toward legal information and forms available to the public, for civil matters including family law. Its number is 406-258-3428. A counselor is not the person to ask about forms, and the center is not the place to work on your relationship.
Step 8: Book a first session and set a check-in date
Schedule the first appointment and, at the same time, agree on a date several sessions out when you will talk privately about how it is going. Having that date in advance makes it easier to raise doubts without it turning into an argument of its own.
Step 9: Show up prepared
Bring your notes from Step 1. Arrive a few minutes early, especially if you are parking downtown on a weekday or crossing town at rush hour on Reserve Street. Afterward, give yourselves a quiet half hour rather than going straight back to errands.
Step 10: Reassess and adjust
At your check-in date, decide together whether to continue, change the schedule, switch between video and in-person, or try someone new. Changing counselors is a normal choice, not a failure, and you do not owe anyone a long explanation; the same lookup and calls can help you choose again.