Why go step by step
Starting couples counseling involves two people making one decision, often while things already feel tense. Breaking the process into small steps keeps either partner from carrying it alone and gives you both a say at each point. This guide is written for couples in Richmond, though most of it applies anywhere in Virginia.
Step 1: Agree that you are looking
Before you search, have a short conversation about whether you both want to try. It does not need to be a long talk. One partner might say, "I'd like us to see someone about how we handle money," and the other can agree, ask for time, or suggest a different focus. If only one of you is ready, that partner can still begin looking and share what they find.
Step 2: Name what you want help with
Each of you writes down two or three things you would like to change. Keep them concrete: "we stop talking for days after a fight," or "we never plan anything together anymore." Compare lists. You do not need to agree on everything; a counselor can work with two different lists.
Step 3: Set the practical limits
Decide how much you can spend per month, which evenings or weekends you can both protect, and whether you prefer in person, video or a mix. If one of you works late shifts, say so now so you do not book with someone whose hours never line up.
Step 4: Build a short list
Use the directory to find a few independent counselors who see couples in the Richmond area. For each, note their location, the times they offer and whether they meet over video. Three names is plenty to start.
Step 5: Look each counselor up
In Virginia, the Board of Counseling oversees professional counselors and marriage and family therapists, along with residents in both fields, according to the board's page cited below. The Department of Health Professions offers a free public License Lookup. Ask each counselor for the name and license type they practice under and search for it. If you find a resident, ask who supervises them.
Step 6: Call or message each counselor
Many counselors offer a brief free call. Both partners should join if possible. Questions to ask:
- What does a typical first session look like?
- Will you ever see us one at a time?
- How will we know whether this is helping?
- What is the fee, and how much notice do you need to cancel?
Afterward, talk about how each of you felt during the call, not just what the counselor said.
Step 7: Choose and book
Pick the counselor you both felt most comfortable with. Book the first few sessions at the same time each week if you can; a steady slot makes it far easier to keep going when life gets busy.
Step 8: Prepare for the first session
The night before, each of you can reread your list from Step 2. Agree that the first session is mostly for the counselor to get to know you, so neither partner needs to make their whole case at once. If it is a video session, test the connection and find a quiet room where you can sit side by side.
Step 9: Know where mediation fits, if it comes up
If you are also separating and need to work out practical arrangements, mediation is a separate service. Virginia's court system describes a mediation program and a searchable directory of mediators that can be browsed by circuit or district. For a case already filed in a district court, its page, cited below, suggests contacting that court's mediation coordinator or the clerk's office. Your counselor can keep supporting you while that process runs on its own track; for questions about rights or filings, an attorney is the person to ask.
Step 10: Check in after a few sessions
After three or four sessions, sit down together and ask whether the work is heading where you hoped. Bring any doubts to the counselor directly. It is fine to change the focus, the schedule or the counselor if something is not working.
About this directory
Civil Couples Counseling connects Richmond couples with independent counselors. It does not provide counseling and does not check any counselor's credentials; the state's License Lookup is the place to do that.