How to use this guide
Couples in Spokane often stall at the first step: one partner wants to go, the other is unsure, and nobody wants to make the calls. The steps below break the process into small pieces you can share. Pick one person to own each step, and set a date for it.
Step 1: Have a short, low-pressure talk
Choose a calm evening, not right after an argument. Each of you names one or two things you would like to feel different in six months. Keep it concrete: fewer late-night fights about chores, more time together on weekends, a better way to decide about money. Write them down. You will bring this list to the first session.
Step 2: Decide on format and logistics
Agree on a few basics before searching:
- In person, video, or a mix?
- Which part of town works for both of you: downtown, the north side, the South Hill, Spokane Valley?
- What days and times can both of you reliably make?
- Roughly how often do you want to meet at the start?
If one of you travels for work or spends weekends away, video may be what keeps sessions on the calendar.
Step 3: Search the directory for two or three names
Look for counselors who mention working with couples and who offer your preferred format. Do not overthink this step; you are building a short list, not making a final choice. The directory introduces independent providers and does not screen them, so the next step matters.
Step 4: Look up each credential
The Washington State Department of Health, according to its page cited below, issues mental health counselor and marriage and family therapist credentials, along with associate credentials for both. The department offers a public Provider Credential Search. Enter each counselor's name and note what credential appears. If you cannot find someone, ask them which name their credential is listed under.
If a counselor holds an associate credential, it is fair to ask how their supervision works and who oversees their cases.
Step 5: Make brief calls
Many counselors offer a short phone or video consult. Use it to ask:
1. How do you usually structure the first two or three sessions? 2. How do you keep sessions balanced if one partner talks more? 3. What is your cancellation rule? 4. Do you bill insurance, and if not, can you provide a receipt we can submit ourselves? 5. What kinds of couples do you most often work with?
Both partners should hear the answers if possible. Notice how the counselor speaks to each of you.
Step 6: Keep legal questions in their own lane
If separation is on the table, know that a counselor is not the place for legal guidance. The Washington State Court Directory lists eight commissioners under Spokane County Superior Court, with most sharing the contact familylaw@spokanecounty.gov and the phone number 509-477-5702. Washington Courts also posts statewide Family Law forms, covering divorce (dissolution), legal separation and annulment, and notes that local courts may require more and that courthouse facilitators help in some counties. For advice about your situation, speak with an attorney.
Keeping the two tracks separate protects the counseling room as a space for talking, not strategy.
Step 7: Book and prepare
Schedule the first session at a time when neither of you will be rushing in from work. Bring the list from Step 1. Plan to arrive a few minutes early, especially downtown, where parking near the river can take time.
Step 8: Give it three sessions, then check in
After the third meeting, set aside twenty minutes at home to ask each other:
- Do we both feel heard by this counselor?
- Are we talking about the things on our lists?
- Is the schedule sustainable through a Spokane winter?
If the answer is mostly yes, keep going. If not, it is reasonable to say so to the counselor or return to your short list. Switching is common and not a failure.
Step 9: Revisit your goals
Every couple of months, pull out the original list. Cross off what has changed, add anything new, and share it with your counselor. This keeps the work tied to what the two of you wanted from the start.